For Hucknall solicitor and filmmaker Haresh Sood, his horse and carriage hasn’t even arrived yet. His latest film Cama Sood Hara examines love, marriage and divorce amongst the Asian community, and more importantly the single life of a forty-seven year old bachelor.

The film received its world premiere at Beeston’s Arc Cinema in early November to an invited audience, made up of people involved in the making of the documentary and the local press. It’s the second time that the cinema has hosted a Sood film, as back almost to the day in 2021 they screened his first film. This was also a documentary, called My Niece’s Big, Fat Delhi Wedding, which went behind the scenes of a typical elaborate Indian wedding.

So, Cama Sood Hara was a natural follow on, about why Haresh hadn’t tied the knot yet and the pressure that parents put on their children – especially girls – to get married to a successful man, be he a doctor, dentist or even a lawyer.

It’s a mixture of Haresh telling his life story, from when he was born in Carlton, to living in Mansfield Woodhouse and becoming one of the top twenty hunks in 2003, to interviews with his friends and relations about their weddings, divorces and being single.

One of the major differences between how westerners find a life partner and traditionally how many south Asians do it is of course the arranged marriage. When “aunties” find suitable wives from their community for the man, or they use agencies that basically rely on a tick list from the stock of future wives on their books to find someone that matches the requirements. A bit like buying a car or TV.

Haresh said that basically half of the marriages of people he knew that were created that way failed, and as one of his female friends said who got divorced there was no “click” with her former husband. It’s not something that is considered when the matching takes place. There may be no understanding of “the click” or “the spark” – that magic ingredient that people get when they know that they are right for each other.

Of course, many arranged marriages survive as people just get on with it, even if each other is miserable. But in the case of Haresh’s sister Sarita, she got divorced and is now a lot happier being on her own. It seems once that you reach your mid forties and are still single, you are seen as a lost cause and the pressure to get married is removed.

Naturally, Haresh being the hunk that he is, he hasn’t missed out on love. He dated a Spanish lady while he was living in Seville, it got quite serious, and he even turned one room of his Hucknall home into a Spanish themed parlour so her and her young son wouldn’t feel homesick. But the relationship broke down, and now the room has been turned into a music studio where Haresh sings and entertains his friends.

I, and I think the whole audience, found the film fascinating and at least one thing resounded with us all. For me it was two. One of which for those that don’t have children, pets are a worthwhile substitute. Haresh feels a lot happier now that he has Pancho, a chocolate Labrador, by his side. Someone to share his life with, who he has had since he was a puppy.

At the end there was a short Q&A, hosted by Mark Gallagher The Arc Cinema’s national marketing manager, where the audience had an opportunity to listen to Haresh and Sarita talk further about the film.  I quickly chatted to Haresh at the end of the screening and asked him about the positive feedback that he had just received concerning the film. “I found the responses overwhelming, insightful and thought provoking”. Something that it really, really was.

CDF